Thursday, June 5, 2014

Life happens.

Hello world, Erin here. Life happened...sorry! Lots of things have gone on since my last post. We moved back to Muncie in April and Xander had his first birthday just last month! And I got my first fill under fluoroscopy just yesterday.  Let's recap all those things now, shall we?

Xander is officially a toddler! He just had his first birthday on May 13th and I really cannot believe how fast this year has gone. My life seemed to go by pretty quickly anyway, but now that I have a child it seems even faster! (Of course, there are some days when I think that one day will never end.) Xander had lots of fun at his party and LOVED his cake. It was also adorable and I will have pics down here somewhere. 

My little man is pretty awesome. He has 4 teeth on top and 4 on bottom now, he walks, runs, hobbles like a zombie, but thankfully does not climb on furniture yet (although he does enjoy climbing on his daddy when Chris is laying/sitting on the floor). He says mum and dada, duh (I think he is trying to say dog), and gee (for our dog Gizmo). He also has started trying to sing with us, but he's really just making noise. He gives kisses (open-mouthed of course), clicks his tongue, and claps and waves (at inappropriate times). He also will do "so big" and raise his arms up as far as he can...all the time! It's pretty adorable.

We are currently dealing with stereotypical toddler issues... learning what "no" means but not caring, testing boundaries, throwing toys and smacking things, oh and throwing food instead of eating it (which is kind of the most annoying thing ever). He just got over his second cold ever and this one lasted a full week and ruined all the progress we had made with Xander eating new things and just eating at all. He has lived off of formula (which we are phasing out when we run out of this last can), toast and bananas, and cheese and crackers for the last week. I cannot explain the frustration I feel knowing my child isn't eating what I know he needs to eat when he was doing so well before. Now that Xander is finally feeling better though, Chris and I are going to bite the bullet, throw a towel on the floor, and just let him go nuts on any food we give him so he will at least put something edible in his mouth that is not cheese or crackers. Also, babies with colds is the worst thing ever. They don't understand why they feel this way, they don't understand why you keep attacking them with that scary thing you stick up their nose, and for the love of dog STOP WIPING MY NOSE. And they don't know that you don't want to do it and feel terrible and crying just makes your stuffy nose worse kid!!! Ugh. So glad last week is over.

Our recent triumph is Xander has started to drink out of his transition sippy cup! It's more like a bottle at this point, but the nipple changes to something more sippy cup-like. I cannot tell you how glad I will be when this is complete. I will probably be a little sad too, but it's a good step that means NO MORE WASHING BOTTLES. Hallelujah! 

Chris is still watching him while I work and then he works (also in Indy) on the weekends and I am home. Yes, it sucks as much as it sounds. I'm still working my Indy job and driving an hour to and from work every day is WHOA getting old and such a major waste of gas. Yes, I am looking for a local job but I have salary requirements that are not always easy to meet in Muncie's job market. Until then, I will continue my commute and continue being grumpy about it. 

Here are some recent pics of Xander...the ones with cake are from his birthday (obviously)
Birthday Blues Brother's suit!

Memorial Day cookout

Oooo cake!


My mini James Dean

Baby-wearing at the bookstore
Daddy and Xander people-watching at DD

Other than my adorable baby and awesome SAHD of a Husband, my life has been really...stressful. We found a house we loved in Muncie and started the buying process shortly after my last post. The closing date for our house was pushed back about 3 times and the last time it was pushed back it was ONE DAY before closing. A form wasn't turned in or signed like it was supposed to be but somehow it got all the way to the top before they threw it back at the bank. This meant all the planning for a rental truck, manual labor help, days off work...worthless. Thankfully, the bank realized how much they screwed me and paid for a moving company to help us (best idea ever, btw) and gave us a little extra for groceries! We didn't end up closing until April 7th. My birthday was April 8, and we moved on April 9. I do not recommend this. It worked out in the end though. The movers were amazing and fast and got a good tip from us for being so awesome, and I didn't have to burden any friends of family with moving all my crap.

Our house is exactly what we needed. Three bedrooms, one bath, living room, eat-in kitchen, washer and dryer, central air, big yard, garage. It's older and needs some repairs that we couldn't get the sellers to do (roof, update electrical) but it's nothing we can't handle with some planning and saving up and none of it is a dire need to fix right away situation. I won't lie, I'm stressed and worried about money and making ends meet...but I kind of always am so...whatever. (This is also another big reason I want to find a job locally...we are currently spending around $100/month for gas and I could pay bills with that money!) Xander also loves having carpet in the house and started walking as soon as he was free to wander around the floors!

Band land is...confusing. After my unfill, I got a very small fill in the beginning of April (did I mention that was a busy time for me?). It was 0.25cc. It really made no change in my eating or satiety. I haven't been paying attention to portion sizes or what I eat. It's mostly from stress. Taking care of a baby, working an hour away, and moving really has sucked all motivation from me. I'm struggling to think properly when it comes to band rules, my health, and my needs. I had this problem before too, but having a baby just adds someone else I devote my energy too and avoid taking care of myself. (This is also part of the issue I've been having with keeping up with my body love revolution...which is also kind of frozen in time because I am spread so thin already.)

Anyway, back to that appointment with the small fill. I mentioned to the nutritionist that I wasn't feeling full/satisfied but I was getting stuck regularly. She seemed a little concerned and suggested I ask to get my next fill under fluoroscopy to make sure everything is working properly. For those of you unfamiliar with this term, fluoroscopy is a gastric procedure where they do a fill while looking at my band and stomach with an x-ray machine while I drink a barium liquid that allows the doctor to see the fluid going into my stomach and through my band to make sure its all moving properly. I was a bit concerned that maybe my band had slipped a little or had a leak maybe which is why everything seemed to feel so different from the last time I remember this process. If something was wrong that would mean a whole new set of issues and decisions to make. On the other hand, if nothing was wrong then I really was just a really terrible bandster and needed a major wake-up call. 

Fast forward to yesterday...Turns out I'm a terrible bandster who needs a wake-up call. My mom watched Xander and Chris and I went to my doctor appointment. Chris got to watch everything on the screen as well and said he could see the (3-inch) needle get put into my port. Dr. Diaz gave me 1 cc of fluid and then they turned the bed thing I was laying on upright and I drank the barium solution and saw it go down my esophagus, get to my band, and the slowly ooze through about the size of a pinhole at a time. It also would reflux up a little into my esophagus (which I didn't feel). This means it was too he took out 0.5 cc and I took another drink. We watched the fluid go back down my esophagus and this time is pooled in my pouch (stomach) and slowly, but steadily went through my band. There was a bit of residual back flow of fluid but it went through shortly after. I knew how this worked but it was pretty cool to see it and feel it at the same time. Chris said it helped give him an idea of what was going on in there with me as well, so I think that was really helpful. 

This was also helpful for me because it really did show me that I am just blatantly not using the band the way it's supposed to be used, as a tool. You can't use a tool if you aren't even TRYING to do whatever it is you need that tool for, right? So, I am wiping the slate and following my rules like I'm a brand new bandster and Chris is committed to helping me stick by those rules. I had soup for lunch and yogurt for dinner last night. (I was really not prepared for my fill!) Today I've had yogurt, instant soup (instantly gross), and a protein shake. After a fill, its 48 hours of liquids, then I can move on to more substantial things. Thanks to the fill with fluoroscopy, I know that I should be in the green/optimum zone for my lap band and I really cannot push my boundaries now or I know I will pay dearly (stuck, slimming, puking, oh my!) So, I'm just going to pretend that I'm in the green for the first time ever, be appreciative and excited about this journey and try my best to not eat like crap because I have a million other things to do and worry about in my life. Wish me luck!