Wednesday, October 19, 2011

To fill, or not to fill?

Hello lovely readers! Ready for my apparently monthly update? 

Let me go back to when I got my unfill last month. After being on liquids for a few more days, I felt much, MUCH better! Eating was not nearly as frightening, but even with 1 cc taken out I could really tell a difference in my restriction. Things I've learned this past month include: Small bites are now a MUST. I simply cannot slip and take a big bite of something, it WILL get stuck. Not to the point of puking, but lots of slimming hath occurred and it is WAY gross (and embarrassing to spit up thick, yucky mucus in the Applebee's parking lot facing the busiest street in the city). Bread is now a definite no-go. (sad face) Wraps are do-able IF they are tortilla shells and not actual flat bread-type wraps - they are too bread-like! Rice is okay as long as I take VERY small bites as well is spaghetti noodles but rice noodles are a HUGE no. Too chewy (which means they are too hard to chew up small like I need to). Sadly, I did find out that I can drink pop (it was a moment of weakness!) I do not intend to make this an everyday occurrence. In fact, I shared a pop with my friend about 2-3 weeks ago, then had a Sierra Mist at work 2 weeks ago and haven't had anything since. I think that's pretty good considering I once said I would never give up pop. The other big thing I learned was that I have to start eating slower than I am now. I am not giving myself enough time and by the time I realize I am full I am occasionally WHOA full. Thankfully, I have only been miserably full a couple times this past month and they were both my fault. 

The mental aspect of WLS is, by far, the hardest part. You have to constantly remember your portion sizes cannot be changed, even if you REALLY want those last few bites or some of your husband's/wife's/friend's dessert. IT WILL NOT FIT IN THERE. I have to constantly ask myself "Am I really hungry? Is this an appropriate portion size? Am I no longer hungry?" It's a daily struggle, that's for sure. 

On to other things that are also my fault...I still haven't gotten back into exercising! I feel pretty icky about it, but in my defense, I have been working crazy overtime at work these past few weeks and I do not think it is going to change any time soon. I worked 12 hours every day last week and yesterday I worked from 8am to 9 pm. Yeah...It sucked, but not until I got home and realized how tired I was. Until I am not offered crazy-good overtime, I am going to try to fit in some exercise on my breaks. (Per suggestion of my nutritionist today.) So, starting tomorrow I am going to take two 15-minute breaks or three 10-minute breaks and do some laps around the floor or walk up and down some flights of stairs (I'm pushing for the stairs because well...they make my butt and legs look better faster. :D ) Let's hope I can at least stick with this regimen while I'm doing my awesome overtime at work. 

Mentally, I am (still) stressed. Nothing I really want to talk about but I am dealing with it all pretty well, I think.

Now, on to my appointment today! I went in with the notion that I would not need another fill. I get full relatively fast, I saw full for 4-5 hours, so it's good...right? Well, when I told my nutritionist (who is apparently pregnant and showing and looks totally adorable) I was eating probably 1-2 cups of food per meal she make a 'yuck' face and told me that was still too much. Unfortunately, she is right. I did lose 5 pounds in the past month which averages to 1 pound per week, but it should be more by now and my goal is 2 pounds per week (average). From there, I told her about how I would be losing my awesome TriCare insurance next month and I was hoping I would be done with needing fills so often. She pointed out that I should talk to my PA (Physician's Assistant) about it and see what she thought (if I should get another fill or not). We also talked about my terrible lack of water consumption and my equally terrible lack of exercise. Once we talked about those things, I headed up to see my PA. 

 So, I told my PA my insurance dilemma and she thought I should go for 0.5 cc now (since we know 1 cc is too much) since my portion sizes still are not where they should be, that way if I need an unfill for any reason I can get it before I lose my insurance. I agreed that was the best thing to do so I got 0.5 cc put in my band. I am now at a total of 7 cc in my 11 cc band. She got my port on the first try and filled me before I even realized what happened! I was a little nervous about getting this fill thanks to my previous fill last month, but when I did the water drinking test everything went down just fine and there was no burping or funneling of the water as I drank. She even had me lie back down for a minute to make sure it didn't try to come back up either...and it didn't! I was apprehensive about another fill, but I am glad I got it. I don't want to settle with my band. I went through a lot to get it and have big plans for myself in the future, so I realized I should go all the way now and not hesitate because I am comfortable with my fill. I will never know what is truly my 'sweet spot' if I don't try to get to right where I need to be. (That meaning being able to be satisfied on 6-8 oz of food where I am currently at around 12-16 oz roughly. I suck so badly at measuring my food portions I am considering carrying around a 1 cup measuring cup so I know how much I am eating at all times!) Anyway, after my fill I went to schedule my 4-week followup and the lovely receptionist fit me in before my insurance was going to run out BEFORE Thanksgiving even though they were totally busy the entire month. She also warned me that my new insurance would probably NOT pay for anything since they don't even cover any type of weight loss procedure or treatment (which I pretty much assumed already). So, here's hoping this fill is my sweet spot because I only get one more crack at it before I have to pay out of pocket! (Which I am not opposed to doing. The receptionist told me it was about $125 which is WAY better than I thought, but not having to pay is obviously more favorable than paying for it.)

The other fun thing that happened today was Chris (my lovely husband) took me to Fashion Bug today and I got a new pair of jeans! NONE of mine fit (they are either way too big and baggy or too small). I didn't want to really buy new clothes yet but apparently when I was gaining all this weight I skipped the size I am now or just went straight to the giant sized clothes without even getting many things in the size I am now. So, I tried on a bunch of jeans (the sizes were TOTALLY messed up. I tried on one pair and they were snug, so I went a size up in the SAME JEANS and they wouldn't even get over my hips...I'm hoping they were just miss-tagged or something.) But then I found the Loop 18 section! Loop 18 is the 'new, young, hip' version of Fashion Bug/Lane Bryant and oddly, their pants sizes are ODD numbered. WHY do clothing stores do that?! It's so confusing to remember all of these difference sizes (Not to mention, if wear the Right Fit pants because they are all single digits!) Anyway, long story short, my new jeans are super cute and a size 23. When I started this blog, I was a snug size 28. (I can't believe I just admitted that to the internet.) I don't know how you are supposed to count clothing sizes when you lose (It goes by 2's but we count them like single digits when we lose sizes? WTF) So, I'm pretty sure I have dropped 2.5 pants sizes according to these jeans. Thanks to me being PEAR-SHAPED, I fit snugly in an XL shirt. 

OH YEAH, and at the beginning of last month I cut and dyed my hair! Yay for my first new hair style in over a year! Below, you can see pics of me BEFORE and NOW (hair and body). Enjoy! Also, I know I don't talk about it really but I am down a total of 37 pounds. I am SO CLOSE to losing 40 pounds, it's ridiculous and frustrating. But whatev!

Oh, and I will be sure to keep everyone posted on how this fill goes after I am off liquids (in 48 hours...ugh). Until then! <3

Here is the length of my hair before. I loved it but I was really tired of it!

Here is after my awesome cousin cut off!
My hair after dying it! Love this color!

Before pic for comparison

Me last week! I love finding 'new' clothes in my closet!