Wednesday, June 21, 2017

My "first" fill - day one

Alright. So I went to see the PA at my surgeon's office that does my fills. They weighed me at 245.5 (whereas my work scale weighs me at 247.5). We talked a little and I told her what was going on (hungry after an hour, struggling with carbs, all that working out with no weight loss). She agreed a small fill might help with portion sizes but only thought I needed a little bit even though I had been gone a year. She opted to give me 0.5 cc. I was a little miffed but I didn't argue.

Thankfully, she knows her stuff because I felt just right amount of funneling when I did the water sip test. We also talked about eventually getting a panniculectomy. She agreed that those 4 points ALL had to be met in order for my insurance to cover it. She told me to go to t he doctor ANY time I had any rashes or issues with my pannis. I don't have many now, but I suppose after I lose some more weight I could. If I get this done I would love to do it before the end of year (for insurance deductible reasons). Although I question my ability to lose 50 lbs by then. I suppose time will tell! After seeing the PA and getting my fill we went to see the nutritionist. Nothing new there. She said I was doing all the right things and to just keep it up. Focus on good carbs instead of bad ones. Eat more veggies. Drink more water. Increase probiotics.

We left my appointment and went to McAlister's so I could get some soup because I was starving. I had the chicken tortilla soup with some sour cream in it. It was pretty thick soup. I ate it slowly. I didn't eat the chips that came with it. I had sips of lemonade to drink. I resisted stealing a bite of my husbands amazingly delicious-looking club sandwich. I had a few bites of his potato salad even though I was full. At dinnertime I had an 8 oz protein shake around 6 pm and I had to eat some chicken noodle soup around 10:30 pm because I was again starving. I was getting a little worried this fill wouldn't do anything, but I reminded myself this is just what liquids do (and for good reason right now). 

This morning I've eaten greek yogurt (my usual) for breakfast and cottage cheese for lunch. An hour after my cottage cheese I felt hungry again (still not sure if it was REAL hunger or head hunger) so I ate some (8) crackers and a tuna pouch...then I was STUFFED. Like so full. I'm kicking myself for not stopping half way through that tuna pouch.

It's hard to stop eating after such a small amount when you've been eating 'regular' portions for so long. Now I'm paying for it by being super full. On the plus side, I now know that my fill may very well be what I needed to stay in check AND solid foods should be just fine. I didn't get stuck at all, I just got full. I do still need to work on bite sizes when I start eating more normal foods though.

So here I am. Re-learning how to use my band properly. Re-learning how to think like a banded person. Re-learning how to control that stupid voice in my head that just wants another bite.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Fill tomorrow

I have my first fill in almost a year tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, a little excited, a lot hopeful. I know this is going to be a struggle - I KNOW. But I have to prove to myself and my husband that I can do this (again) and show some damn self control.

I haven't had time to work out consistently and I won't for a while (ever?) so I know I need to get my diet under control if I want to get these 50 lbs off (again). As a bit of motivation I got the requirements of a medically necessary panniculectomy per my insurance. I was worried it wouldn't be covered at all - but it is!

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Medically Necessary:
A.  Panniculectomy is considered medically necessary for the individual who meets the following criteria:
  1. The panniculus hangs below the level of the pubis (which is documented in photographs); and
  2. One of the following:
    1. there are documented recurrent or chronic rashes, infections, cellulitis, or non-healing ulcers, that do not respond to conventional treatment (for example, dressing changes; topical, oral or systemic antibiotics, corticosteroids or antifungals) for a period of 3 months; or
    2. there is documented difficulty with ambulation and interference with the activities of daily living;
      and
  3. Symptoms or functional impairment persists despite significant* weight loss which has been stable for at least 3 months or well-documented attempts at weight loss (medically supervised diet or bariatric surgery) have been unsuccessful; and
  4. If the individual has had bariatric surgery, he/she is at least 18 months post-operative or has documented stable weight for at least 3 months
*Significant weight loss varies based on the individual clinical circumstances and may be documented when the individual:
  1. Reaches a body mass index (BMI) less than or equal to 30 kg/m2; or
  2. Has documented at least a 100 pound weight loss; or
  3. Has achieved a weight loss which is 40% or greater of the excess body weight that was present prior to the individual's weight loss program or surgical intervention.
B.  Panniculectomy is considered medically necessary as an adjunct to a medically necessary surgery when needed for exposure in extraordinary circumstances.

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So according to this, if you take my original surgery weight into account, I need to lose these 50 lbs (or more), maintain for 3 months, and maybe have some type of rash with it (which I already have occasionally). The only clarification I need is if those numbers (1-4) ALL have to be met or just one of them? Things to think about while I do this. 

As usual, I have some doubts in the back of my mind but I'm trying to think positively. I did this once and my life was stressful, I can do it again. I am stronger than I was before in so many ways, there is no reason I shouldn't be able to do this. I just need to think about myself for a change and make a better effort to THINK when I eat instead of eating mindlessly to avoid getting stuck and being miserable. 

I'm not even worried about all the food I won't be able/shouldn't eat. I've been to the point where I can't and don't want carbs or chocolate or whatever else I shove in my face even if I'm surrounded by it, so I know I can handle it. Here's hoping this one little push of a fill will be what I need to finally need to get back in control. 

Monday, June 12, 2017

I tried...and failed.

Sneaking back in after a year long hiatus. Why you ask? I'm at my wits end.

Last January I decided I would try to do this damn thing on my own. Counting macros, working out - weightlifting to be precise, drinking water, eating better, etc. I did it....I thought I was doing it. But now at 6 months in with little muscle mass gained and NO weight loss whatsoever, and spotty ability to workout regularly now, I'm a little frustrated. What am I doing wrong? Is my body just not mean to eat more than 1200-1500 calories? How many carbs do I have to cut to make a difference? Do I need to add more cardio? What am I do wrong?!?!

Super frustrating. I gave in. I saw my lap band nutritionist and got some great ideas to help lower some carbs and increase protein. Not focusing on total calories as much as total carbs. I won't lie... I still struggle with it. I can generally keep it below 100, but keeping it below 80 (like she wanted) is HARD to do. Really hard. Dinner always screws me....or before bed when I get hungry and want to eat everything in sight.

Cue my next reason for writing. I'm getting a fill next week. I've been a little hesitant about it but I realized I got my lap band for this specific reason. To HELP me gain control of my eating habits so I can lose weight and not stay the same weight I've been since I gave birth roughly 18 months ago.

No more talk about babies or family or classes. This is strictly health and diet.

Goals: 

1. Workout: 3x a week, including 20-30 mins of cardio + 20-30 mins of weightlifting
2. Diet: Keep carbs around 80g a day; protein 80-100g a day; healthy fats only plz; drink all the water
3. Weight loss: 1-2 lbs a week per lap band surgeon suggestions
4. First short-term goal: 225 lbs. (Current weight 250 lbs)
5. Current measurements: (inches) (as of 5/7/17)
Bicep: L16; R16
Bust: 47.5
Band: 43
Waist: 44
Hips: 59.5
Thighs - 30.5
Calves: 16